……September 18, 2014
In a recent deep discussion about people, life, goals and his future; our 18 year old grandson made a statement far beyond his years.
His comment was: “people hear what you say, but they don’t listen.”
- Boy! out of the mouth of this young man a truth that probably plagues most of us was uttered. He really shocked me at the insight of his comment.
- Like his Nana he’s a thinker and an observer.
Along with that I read this on a poster: “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
Well, if that doesn’t step on our toes I don’t know what will.
These things are true in the relationship areas of our lives; especially in dealing with family issues.
- We are more interested in getting our point across than in solving a problem. It is especially true between spouses; between parents and children.
- Too many defense mechanisms come into play because either we don’t want to admit that we need to take a look at our attitude or we just plain don’t want to accept the truth about ourselves.
- We’re always giving ourselves a pat on the back for who we are and we don’t like it when the picture we have of ourselves is being marred.
When our daughters were young they went to their Daddy for just about everything. At that stage of their lives Mom was kind of the enemy and they could get further if they talked to Dad.
As they became adults, they discovered Mom wasn’t so bad after all and they began to come to me with their life issues.
My husband didn’t understand the change and it bothered him. One day he asked me why they stopped talking to him and began talking to me more?
- My reply to him was: he was telling them how to fix it and that wasn’t what they needed to hear. They just wanted him to listen to them.
Many times I have said to the man in my life: you didn’t hear what I said, your’e not listening to me. It gets frustrating sometimes.
I’m going to get personal and truthful here: for the most part, men aren’t good listeners. They react instead of act. Many women because of their insecurities don’t do much better.
Have we been there in our marriage? You better believe it. If I’m going to address the truth in your life, I must first admit to the truths of my life.
If more of us listened, maybe the issues of our lives and the world would be less complicated.
Marriage along with being a successful parent, a good friend, a dependable employee, a Christlike Christian is hard work.
- To be profitable in these relationships, we must be committed listeners and not just hearers.
- We all feel we have important things to say, especially when we are speaking about what really makes us tick, but stop here and listen to someone else.
You never know, they may be expressing to you a cry of their heart and it needs to be heard.
“It’s not what we do, but who we are.”